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Grief, Rest and Emotional Digestion

A note waterfalls steadilyP1000983
through us,
just below hearing.

Or this early light
streaming through dusty glass:
what enters, enters like that,
unstoppable gift.

And yet there is also the other,
the breath-space held between any call
and its answer––

In the querying
first scuff of footstep,
the wood owls’ repeating,
the two-counting heart:

A little sabbath,
minnow whose brightness silvers past time.

The rest-note,
unwritten,
hinged between worlds,
that precedes change and allows it. ~ Jane Hirshfield, “The Door”

It’s been awhile since I have connected in this way – emails, blog posts, etc.

Perhaps in some ways it would be nice to say it’s been because I have been ‘busy’ – but the truth is, I haven’t been too busy.

In fact, I go to great lengths to bask in the non-busyness I have created in my life!

This past Fall seemed usher in a quickening in my experience – the whole season moved so swiftly, months felt like single weeks and suddenly here we are, facing the winter solstice in a matter of days!

My beloved cat died on November 1st. She was not only my best friend but also one of my best teachers when it came to simple pleasures and primal instincts, especially rest and sleep. She was also a constant daily presence and companion to me for more than a decade. In some ways I think our relationship was much deeper than any human relationship I’ve had. Her passing brought up so many emotions and layers, her death invoking deep feelings that felt hard to bear at times. 2014-03-13_16.58.20

I felt like a different channel for emotion and energy during the weeks after – like water yielding to whatever is in its path, sometimes picking up debris along the way – allowing feelings like fear, shock, guilt, regret, sorrow, sadness, anger, and heartbreak run through me and pass, even when frequently it felt like being hit by a truck. Like a surfer or swimmer caught by the undertow of a powerful wave, much bigger than me – I am grateful that I knew to let myself be taken, to not fight, and to go into the currents…then I could emerge and rest in the echo of it all. Or hang to dry, so to speak.

It struck me how much courageous life energy is uniquely surging and available in times of mourning, pain, grief and death…not unlike the energy surge available in times of birth, celebration, and joy.

During the weeks after, sleep onset at night felt tender and often challenging, and I wasn’t able to nap in the same way as I usually would, but I still rested, making myself as comfortable as possible, lying on my back in my bedroom sanctuary in the middle of the day, sometimes gazing at the tree and the sky outside and just being, the way she did so effortlessly.

This act of trusting/letting go into rest felt like a powerful force of grounding love for myself in the midst of what felt like a physical, energetic and emotional roller coaster. I am so grateful for the cocooning, healing bridge between waking and sleeping that true rest offers, when we are willing to surrender into it. 🙂

Moongaze and bathe

harvest moon“No, I wont turn on the tv tonight. I might miss something important,
like the moon sneaking up from behind the mountain…
I know it’s a rerun, but it still catches my breath.” ~ Wendy Grant

How is your relationship with the night sky?

Thanks to light pollution and the prevalence of distracting entertainment options,
far fewer people are witnessing the ‘worlds largest national park’ nowadays – the majesty of the night sky.
As my favorite sleep wisdom teacher, Dr Rubin Naiman observes,
‘Although we see things more clearly by day, we see significantly more depth at night –
the very frame of our consciousness expands.’

Moon Phases and Sleep

All moon phases hold slightly unique energy, mystery, folklore, potential, and symbolism
depending on where they appear in monthly and yearly cycles.

Did you know that moon phases can influence the quality of our sleep?

Soaking up the sun is the norm…why not an eve of moongaze/bathing?

 


Seasons of Sleep

HiResIt’s been a fascinating season of growth for me –
spent 5 months immersed in an online study of feminine cycles through the lifespan,
with Sara Avant Stover and other guest luminary leaders in holistic well being.
 
This experience has truly deepened the heart and soul of what I feel my job is – to add more quality rest and sleep to the world!
 
I’m referring to the feminine as an essence, not a gender.
Among other symbolism, the feminine represents the night, moon, and fertile darkness.
 
Hanging out in the Dark
 
One of the leading integrative sleep experts in North America, Dr. Rubin Naiman,
believes that we as a culture have a ‘darkness deficiency’.
People tend to associate all kinds of positivity with the word ‘light’,
and all kinds of negativity with the word ‘darkness’.
Yet, being able to ‘see in the dark’ is critical and also offers much nourishment and deep insight.
 
Evidence suggests that even moderate exposure to artificial light at night can dramatically suppress sleep.
How might this be affecting us over months, years, decades?

How is it impacting our dreams, and our ability to surrender into the deepest serenity of sleep?

 As we head into a new season and the cycles of light and dark are shifting,
so too does our need for reflection, rest and sleep.
 
In this little note I would love to inspire even just one person to view these worlds with fresh eyes.
 
Waking up at night?
 
During my sleep yoga workshops,
people often wonder and worry about waking up in the middle of the night –
if their sleep doesn’t fit neatly into a single 7-8 hour chunk, it is often assumed to be ‘bad’ or something to fix.
But what if middle of the night awakenings can not only be natural,
(yes, even for those of us without babies to tend to)
AND also present unique opportunities into a different kind of consciousness…
with potential benefits quite different from daytime consciousness?
The ideas and evidence in this article are interesting, including the comments and feedback from its readers.
 
AND, I also feel it could be taken a couple of layers deeper.
What do you think?
 
Wishing you rest and sleep, 
sweet, often, and deep,
wherever you may be in the world.
 
~ Jennifer

Sacred Sleep Meditation Recording

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